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[by Patrick
(twisted) Hardy]
Raven
Software released miscellaneous levels for the community, such as:
5.
Death Valley.
Prepare to eliminate the rare pigmy shrew that has been wreaking pure evil
on the cactuses. Your scenery includes a lot of dirt, and well...dirt. Make
sure you wear something cool and bring plenty of water because it’s hot
as hell! Look over there, is that Don King sitting at a pool with Tyson?
Oh wait, that’s only my imagination playing tricks on me, or is it!? Some
of the enemies you face include fuzzy hares and treacherous ants that can
bite if they get too close.
4.
White House.
On your left, you will spot the Red Room, and over behind the President’s
desk is Monica. Looks like she ate those powdered donuts way too fast, she
needs a napkin! Some objectives that must be solved include destroying those
whining censor people who think online gamers are trained killers. Also,
don’t hesitate to visit good old Bill and take a peek at his cigar collection.
The only resistance you will find here is Abe Lincoln’s ghost, who has been
very disgruntled after JFK stole his top hat.
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3. McDonald’s.
Mullins will give retirement another thought after he stops by to
get a burger before he heads to The Shop. It all starts in the drive
thru where the you can’t understand what the damn employee is saying
through the speaker. Finally, after waiting in line for 2 hours, you
decide to take matters into your own hands, especially when they forgot
to hold the tomatoes. But beware, you must dodge smashed fries on
the floor inside and cross the ball pit, which hasn’t been cleaned
out in 5 years. To add insult to injury, the manager of the crappy
establishment is OJ Simpson and refuses to believe that his staff
did anything wrong. Your only goal will be to steal the Heisman trophy
off OJ’s desk. |
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2.
Reese’s Room.
It may seem harmless at first, but play at your own risk. Keep in mind that
reese has never once cleaned his room and that the area is supposedly radioactive.
Some novelties encountered in the room include the Twisted Shrine, made
out of Soldier of Fortune boxes (don’t ask how he made it). Steer clear
of his closet which is rumored to contain gym socks that have a mind of
their own and will strike at any moment. If you feel tired, do not even
think of taking a nap on his bed. It is totally made out of pizza boxes,
thanks to the countless hours of him staying inside playing Soldier of Fortune
and writing up the weekly Mailbag. On a side note, your mission is to rescue
Kenn Hoekstra who has been held captive there for quite some time.
1. Nike Sweatshop.
You’ve heard about this place, now it’s time to clean up the mess. Don your
gas mask as you infiltrate their base and put an end to cheap labor. Watch
out for Kathy Lee who may seem nice, but is actually a deadly assassin.
NBA players are the slave drivers that must be extinguished before they
decide to go on strike again. Do not tell anyone about the deal you made
by giving a little boy 10 cents for the pair of Air Jordan’s.
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