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What If?


[by Patrick (twisted) Hardy]

Celebrities replaced the final boss in Soldier of Fortune:

5.  Marlon Brando:  Armed with an ego the size of New York City, this actor is meant to be avoided at all times! Remember all that dough you made throughout the missions, well The Shop is taking it away from you because Mr. Brando refused to be the boss unless he was paid 5 million dollars.

4.  Billy Blanks:  Although this phat athlete can kick all our asses, beware his cheesy acting the most. You could find yourself in a world of boredom after he holds you in a trance while repeating a corny Subway plug, "LUNCH! LUNCH! LUNCH!".

3.  Milli Vanilli:  I am sure you already know singing is their weakness, however, this deadly duo has a few other tricks up their sleeve. If you get too close, you may find yourself beaten to death by their long, crusty dreadlocks and cheesy dance moves.

2.  Richard Simmons:  After defeating his morbidly obese followers, prepare for the final battle! He won’t be that easy to beat considering his terrible taste in music will come into play. Immediately, NSync’s "Bye, Bye, Bye" will begin to play ominously, your best bet is to rip off his wig which will destroy his confidence.

1.  John Romero:  Mastermind behind Daikatana as well, be prepared to fight this extremely hard celeb. Before you fight him, you must live through several "delays" and "fixes" until you meet him. Too bad that DK will be put on hold yet again after Romero is disposed of.


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Soldier of Fortune™ and any associated characters are ® ™ Raven Software &/or Activision, Inc. All Rights Reserved.