Article by Chris 'Reese' Beauregard
Since this is our first Mailbag, I would just like to introduce myself.
My name is Reese, and I will be maintaning the Mailbag for now (or until
they get tired of me).
From: Ketone
Topic: Aol
I hate gaming on AOL, I am always getting kicked off and even though I have
a 56k modem I still get awful latency. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
Do you have anything that could help me improve my lag?
Please help!!!
Arson is always a good problem solver. But that isn't recommended.
But luckily I have a four-step method to improve your latency while playing
SoF:
1. Call up your AOL administrator.
2. Say "screw you" and fart into the phone.
3. Cancel AOL account
4. Get DSL
That should solve all of your problems. Unless DSL isn't in you area, then
you could run around your front yard yelling for Hawk to blow the front
gate.
From: Sgt. Mongo
Subject: SoF sucks
THIS PATCH SUCKS!!! I CAN'T GERT IT 2 WORK!!!!!!! SOF SUX SO BAD!!! THEY
HAD TO GO AND SCREW UP A GOOD GAME WITH THIS STUPID PATCH! I AM SO MAD,
I HAVEN'T KILLDE IN WEEKS! THIS IS SGT. MONGO SO YOU HAD BETTER LISTEN
UP IF YOU KONW WHAT'S GOOD 4 U!!!!! MAKE A PATCH THAT ACTUALLY WORKS YOU
BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think Sarge needs to take his p100 out of his arse and get a real computer.
My computer is the gaming pimp. Anyways Sgt. Mongo, do you know that deleting
the entire game is not necessary for installing patch? Might want to install
the game then install the patch, but it is just a guess.
From: John
Subject: SoF
Hey, I was wondering if there is any broken or misused SoF games that I
could buy.
I don't know about any broken or used copies but I do know of how you
can get a copy free. Walk into any retail store, pick up SoF box, and walk
out. I think they call if "Five Finger Discount" in Spain.
From: "Victoria's Secret"
Subject: Order Confirmation
Thank you Reese for ordering our new Strapless Bra(TM). We here at Victoria's
Secret hope that you are happy with this purchase. Thank you.
With Love,
Victoria
doh!
From: Piss'off
Subject: work!
You guys at this site don't work hard enough. You need more reviews and
this mailbag needs to be up more often!!!! Work harder!!!!!
I am insulted by your accusation that we at soldier-of-fortune.com don't
work hard enough. We give 100%!
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Friday
From: Gangsterman
Subject: bad days
Whenever I have bad days I always go and play sof. It always help me relaxe.
Thanks alot.
Yes it does. And always remember that when you are having a bad day,
and it seems that people are trying to piss you off, that it takes 42 muscles
to frown and only 4 to extend your middle finger and tell them to bite you.
From: Daevon
Subject: What's up with old people?
I was playing Sof one time when my grand dad walks in. He sees me blow
some guys head off and says "That is disgusting, i caon't beilve that
this generation is playing this carp". It is just game!!!
Hehe, old people. He must be an avid fisher because I have never heard
SoF referred to as a carp, oh well. Teach your grand pa a lesson. Put feces
in a bag and place it on his......well you know the rest.
From: Catzguy
Subject: Have you ever fatasize about Taylor.
I sure have.. I think she is really sexy!!!!!
I dream about my moment with her. I would lay Taylor on the ground,
crawls on top of her and gives her a slow... long... deep... penetrating...
sensual... tonsil tickling... orgasmic... hair straightening... toe curling...
organ raising... nipple hardening... spine tingling... life-altering...
fantasy causing... did I just see GOD??? I think my clothes are falling
off! Why aren’t we in bed?? Kind of kiss.
Oh, excuse me.
From: Pencil
Subject: SoF
A soldier of fortune is niether a soldier or looking for a fortune.Discuss
among yourselfs.
That brings up another interesting point. If airline seat cushions are
such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to
the beach? |
